The Myth of 2012

Unbelievably just a mere seven weeks before 21st December 2012, there are still many people fearful of  the world’s suspected demise.  Fortunately for you, I’m here to rubbish the six main apocalyptic theories for this calendar year.

1. The Bible Theory

Devilishly stupid… Hil-Rod and the anti-christ are best mates.

I know, I know. It’s hard to believe that the Bible could have any misleading prophecies whatsoever. Whilst I know we all accept the legitimacy of talking snakes, giants and spontaneously generating bread, the Bible is actually a bit shady when it comes to predicting doomsday. Rumour has it that the Earth’s entire history was encoded in the holy scriptures, the belief became prominent when it supposedly predicted that Israeli prime minister, Yitzhak Rabin would be assassinated – which happened. It may sound freaky, I know but the Bible also wrongly predicted that the world would end in 2006 due to a series of earthquakes. In fact, the theory is now so laughable that it’s most recent prediction was that the world would be destroyed due to a series of events including Barack Obama’s assassination and Hilary Clinton unleashing the anti-christ on the planet.

Chance of occurrence: 0.01%

2. The Egyptian Theory

A load of bull-ocks… The Egyptians fear a ram raid

Just like their eerie Central American counterparts, the Egyptians had their fair share of destructive predictions too. The most popular theory is that of an ancient calendar stored within  the pyramids of Gisa that ends when the galaxies align in 2012. Although, what does a calendar ending have to do with the end of the world? Another theory predicts that the world will end because Orion’s belt is expected to align with the pyramids and the great sphinx because alignment is obviously symbolic with mass death. If I’ve not convinced you that the Egyptian theories are also a tad on the silly side then please find solace in the third theory; the belief that a mythical bull will be resurrected at 10:18:13pm (Cairo time) on 21st December and supposedly charge every single person to death?

Chance of occurrence: 0.01%

3. The Galactic Superwave Theory

Wave goodbye… The planet won’t be scorched in 2012

The last galactic superwave occurred some 13,000 years ago when the Earth was in the midst of an ice age. Apparently, the wave ended the ice age and almost wiped out life on the planet. Galactic superwaves are just waves of intense heat that generate from the centre of our galaxy meaning if one were to hit us in 2012, it would be catastrophic as our solar system is predicted to align with the centre of the Milky Way this year – we’d be scorched. Fortunately, scientists aren’t in anyway convinced that a galactic superwave is due any time in the near future.

Chance of occurrence: 50%
Chance of occurrence in 2012: 1%

4. The Mother Shipton theory

Bull-ship… Mother Shipton’s been talking out of her arse.

Mother Shipton was an English prophetess who lived in the 15th century. She is credited with predicting key events in human development such as the inventions of cars, planes and tractors. However, her predictions were always vague. You would think her grossly incorrect prediction that the world would end in 1881 would be enough to see her discredited forever. But no, people are now saying her prophecy will come true some 131 years late, just because nobody would bother to question it.

Chance of occurrence: 0.000001%

5. The Super Volcano Theory

Blown out of proportion… The Yellowstone volcano could stay quiet for another 2000 years

Now, I’m not saying you should fear any of these theories, but if you are going to, let it be this one. The last super volcano eruption occurred around 74,000 years ago and as you can probably see; the world didn’t end. However, it had a catastrophic effect, wiping out around 2/3 of the world’s population but in honesty the humans of 74,000 years ago were ill-equipped for survival in comparison to nowadays. I’m not saying a super volcano’s eruption wouldn’t be disastrous  I’m saying it shouldn’t prove fatal. Many have pointed a finger toward one famous super volcano in Yellowstone National Park that is overdue an eruption. However,  it is not certain to happen any time soon with geologists suggesting that an eruption is expected between now and the year, 4000.

Chance of occurrence: 90%
Chance of occurrence in 2012: 0.05%

6. The Mayan Theory

Mischievous Mayans… just because they ran out of space on that rock, doesn’t mean we’re running out time.

Now for the one that you’ll have actually heard of; the Mayan theory. This theory derives from the apparent ending of the Mayan calendar on the 21st December 2012. Has it actually occurred to anyone that the calendar doesn’t end on that day, it just renews, starting again at The belief that this renewal signifies the end of the world is the equivalent of believing the world will end on 31st December every single year. It seems just from the fact that the date happens to be the same as the winter solstice which links it to astronomy then it must be correct. The theory has become so mainstream due to the media’s incessant need to prey on the fears of the public and nobody seems to realise that the media does this over virtually everything. Some people have even linked the prophecy to the film based on this phenomenon. Worried people on social networking sites have been panicking because Hurricane Sandy soaked New York in October, the same month the city gets flooded in the film. But, there are a few holes to pick at here; 1) October is a window of 31 days, the fact that the flooding occured in the same months is actually as little as a chance of 1 in 12, a gross under-estimation of coincidence. 2) The likelihood of New York flooding in October is actually very likely, given the fact that October is the ending of the tropical storm season for America’s east coast. 3) The fact that New York is chosen to be splashed in the film is no surprise either, as we’ve learned from the accurate Hollywood film accounts of Independence Day and The Day After Tomorrow, all disasters take place in the United States. In fact people are so obsessed with this calender that nobody even bothers to mention the other Mayan theory of the supposed cave drawings of aliens who came to warn us about the apocalypse. But let’s face it, had there been contact from aliens and had the Mayans needed to warn us of Earth’s doomsday, I can’t help but think they’d have been a little more thorough.

Chance of occurrence: 0.01%