Ted

How 9 Years of Television Were Just About Saved in Four and a Half Minutes

And relax…at the end of last week, the highly anticipated alternative REAL ending was leaked on to the internet and thank goodness it was. I really really like How I Met Your Mother. It never made me laugh consistently but it had a lot of heart, a great story, a unique gimmick and characters you cared about. Yeah, it was quite funny and easy to watch but its biggest triumph was making characters care so much about Ted, Barney, Robin, Lily, Marshall and Tracy. In April, I wrote about how Carter Bays and Craig Thomas’ ill-conceived finale basically ruined the nine years of TV that preceded it, so it seems only fair that now they’ve tried to correct their glaring faux pas, that we look at what went right and what still didn’t…

+ Ted didn’t end up with Robin

Hallelujah! The fact that the blue french horn peskily found a way to trump the yellow umbrella back in March was without doubt the worst part of the finale – and that’s no mean feat! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Ted and Robin make no sense. Maybe they did in 2005 but after nine long years of watching the pair develop, there’s simply no way. I’m still annoyed at the ridiculous U-turn of the writers in the original ending especially because it was probably just so they could use archive footage. Urgh. Thankfully, Robin can be my favourite character again. The meeting (what the show was about) between Ted and Tracy was sufficient for the viewers and it was right to end the episode there.

Fulfilling… Ted meets Tracy and she doesn’t die! Hooray!

+ Ted’s recap of the series

I don’t usually like self-appreciating shows but HIMYM probably deserved a moment of reflection in the finale. Ted recapping the long journey that led him to the mother, was far more respectful to her character and the show itself than having him disregard this journey as an afterthought in order to pursue Robin. It gave us a happy reflection on Ted’s irritating quest for the one, allowing the series to cap off it’s achievements on screen.

  Ted not visibly addressing the kids

I know, it’s a really small detail but it seemed right that the last line – “and that kids, is how I met your mother” – was spoken visibly to the children by future Ted, just before the visual credits. Of course, had they gone with the correct ending in the first place I’d imagine that small creases like this would have been ironed out.

+ The implication that Barney and Robin got back together

As a fervent supporter of Robin & Barney over Robin & Ted this was the most satisfying part. The finale’s ending wasn’t the only thing that was wrong with it – the rest wasn’t good either. I had real concerns when the alternate ending was announced that Robin and Barney would remain separated. After all, they broke up earlier in the episode and no new footage was filmed to piece together a different climax. However, future Ted’s narration about the tribulations of life and how things “things fall apart, things get put back together” as the camera pans to Robin and Barney exchanging glances at Ted and Tracy’s wedding. It also bodes well that in Ted’s recap of his story that Barney and Robin falling for each other was included and their divorce wasn’t. Long live Stinsbatsky!

Reunited? The right couple may have survived after all.

  The change of music

I’m definitely being pernickety here but my favourite thing – scratch that – basically the only thing I liked about the original ending was the music. The Walkman’s ‘Heaven’ carried on a long tradition of the show using great songs to escalate the emotion of certain moments and it was the perfect nostalgic track to see the show out. I seriously love that song.

+ The clip of the dancing yellow umbrella

After all, the yellow umbrella was what the show was all about. Not the blue french horn. It was NEVER about the blue french horn.

So there we have it, the alternate ending was simply unquantifiably better than the original. Thank you, Carter Bays and Craig Thomas for rectifying your horrendous blunder. I think it’s best we all pretend that the original ending never happened. At least now, I won’t have to sell my HIMYM boxset on eBay.

TV Characters We Would All Hate In Real-Life

Joey Tribbiani

Frustrating… Matt Le Blanc as Joey Tribbiani

To be honest, I hate him anyway. I’ve never understood his appeal but to some people, he’s the funniest character on Friends. I doubt the general public would be as loving of him if they knew him in real life. For a start, he is stupid and although it can be charming, he must be frustrating to deal with seeing as he cannot grasp simple conversations. He’s sleazy, sleeping with and then ditching multiple women with no remorse and he often barges in to Monica and Chandler’s apartment demanding food and freeloads off of them in general. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the whole French debacle.

Eric Cartman

Chickenlover

Respect My Authoritah… Evil Eric Cartman (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What is there to say? We all love watching him on South Park but let’s not lose sight of the fact he’s a horrible little kid. He regularly exhibits racist and anti-semitic views, he tricked Butters in to thinking the world was ending so he could go to Kyle’s party in his place, he tried to exterminate the Jews, he injected Kyle with AIDs and he killed a boy’s parents and then made them in to a chilli that the boy unknowingly ate. A very sick individual that I’m sure none of us would like to know.


Ted Mosby

Let it go… Nobody is sure why Ted continues to pester Robin

It says a lot that the main character of a five-piece ensemble cast is the show’s least popular. The whole concept of How I Met Your Mother is based around Ted telling his kids the lengthy story of how he met their mother. Unfortunately, he is sidetracked by a whole lot of neediness, pathetic pining for ‘the one’, despite only being in his twenties. The whole Ted and Robin relationship is the most draining and irritating one to ever take place on the small screen, and since we love Sparkles so much, we blame it on Ted. We’re then left scratching our heads as to why he tells his kids about his various sexual conquests too. He just seems unbearably in need of constant emotional support.

Brian Griffin

Brian Griffin

Smug… Family Guy‘s Brian (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The epitome of ‘liberal douche’ is Brian Griffin. I’m not against Liberalism, I’m actually a Liberal myself but the insufferable way Brian goes on about his political and moral views like he’s some sort of prophet is very irritating. Quagmire sums it up best when he calls him out for pretending to be smart when really he isn’t all that. Plus, if his pompous attitude isn’t enough to turn you off, he’s also a dog, nobody wants to be condescended to by a canine.

Piper Chapman

Naive… OITNB’s Piper in puppet form

If you’ve seen Netflix’s drama sensation Orange is the New Black then you’ll know what an anti-hero Piper Chapman is. She is the show’s protagonist and from the start, we are led to feel sorry for her but then she starts putting her foot in her mouth far too frequently and getting herself in to all sorts of problems that causes us to abandon her. And whenever she is forced to defend herself, she naively states that ‘she never meant for any of this to happen’, will she ever learn?

Charlie Harper

Promiscuous… Charlie Harper

Like Joey Tribbiani, Charlie Harper is a heartless lothario who shows no remorse for the many, many, many women he has wronged – it’s no wonder one of them pushed him in front of a train. And is it me or does he never actually seem to be working?  I don’t watch Two and a Half Men as much as the other shows referenced in this list but I’m certain I would much rather live with Ashton Kutcher.

Susan Delfino

Cutesy… Teri Hatcher as Susan Delfino

Okay, we liked her ditzy antics in the first season of Desperate Housewives and the other housewives seem to tolerate her but I like to think I’d treat her with the same contempt that Edie Britt does.  She’s slyly selfish, constantly putting her needs before others, shown perfectly by her desire to rely on her teenage daughter, Julie for empathy. Her cutesy act would quickly wear thin as would her clumsiness and her apparent inability to keep hold of Mike, the ‘love of her life’. Urgh, she should have been fried by a power line – not Edie.

Barney Stinson

Barney Stinson

Compulsive liar… NPH as Barney Stinson (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You’d have to include Barney for the same reason as Joey Tribbiani and Charlie Harper. He is an absolutely nightmare to women. He uses them for sex and then chucks them plus his compulsive lying would make him exhausting to be around. He’s the sort of person you’d have out grown in high school but may keep him around because you feel sorry for him.

Who is the Mother?

In a recent episode of How I Met Your Mother Ted speaks directly to the mother with tear-filled eyes promising that he will love her for the rest of days and beyond and how he cannot wait to meet her in 45 days time. That episode, ‘Time Travelers’ aired in the States on 25th March. Forty five days after that date is the 10th May, three days before HIMYM’s season 8 finale airs. It’s now looking likely after 8 years of waiting and funny tedium, the mother is finally going to be revealed. Once again, begging the question just who the freaking hell is she?

The Mother is dead Theory

How Your Mother Met Her Maker… Is the Mother dead?

It wouldn’t be laughable to think that the mother, the fans have pined to be introduced to for the last eight years is in fact dead. We never see her in Future Ted’s world and we never see her in flash forwards, not even her ankle or anything annoying like that. It would also answer why Future Ted is telling this story to his kids, I for one have never really wanted to know how my parents met. So, although it is quite possible that she is dead, it still doesn’t reveal her identity.

Status: LIKELY

The Half-Sister Theory

Popular… The half-sister theory is looking more and more unlikely.

Many HIMYM fans believe that Ted’s wife is Barney’s half-sister. It made sense, she was an Economics student at university, the class Ted accidentally taught. We know the mother was in that room. It also made sense as to why Barney was called ‘Uncle Barney’ and Robin was called ‘Aunt Robin’ in the future, meaning they wouldn’t just be honorary titles. But, *SPOILER ALERT, UK VIEWERS* the popular theory has since been quashed, as Ted dates Carly in the Season 8 episode, “Ring Up!”, meaning she is almost definitely not the mother.

STATUS: UNLIKELY

Victoria?

Con… Has Ted already met their mother?

If we overlook Queen Scherbatsky and Stella, the only other significant romance, Ted has had throughout the series is Victoria. The two never really left on bad terms and in a surprise twist, he could have met their mother in Season One. She’s already been brought back once…

STATUS: POSSIBLE 

The “Her Name is Tracy” Theory

Tease… Is The Mother’s name Tracy?

A weird one to say the least. In Season One, Ted visits a strip club where is approached by a stripper named Tracy. Future Ted jokes and says “… and that’s how I met your mother”. His kids are taken aback, but why would they be if Tracy isn’t the mother’s name? Another thing to dwell on is the Tracy in the Season 4 finale. After Robin tells Barney that she ‘loves’ him, Barney finds a woman named Tracy who he subsequently tries to seduce, how can Ted know she was there if they never actually met in that episode?

STATUS: UNLIKELY

Robin?

Dammit Patrice… Robin is marrying BARNEY.

IT’S NOT ROBIN! For goodness sake, she’s marrying Barney, he refers to her as Aunt Robin. Ted has kids, she can’t have kids. His kids have drawn pictures of her and them together. There are so many flaws yet still people won’t accept it. What is that all aboot, eh?

STATUS: IMPOSSIBLE

The “Ted’s Perfect Match” Theory

The one… Ted wrongly chose Robin over his ‘perfect match’… classic Schmosby

Remember in the season one finalé, when Ted ditches his ‘perfect match’ because he’d rather have had Robin? It seems quite possible that his perfect match was in fact, the mother. Although, surprisingly Future Ted never eludes to that in narration. However, that would have given it away so it is definitely still a possibility.

STATUS: LIKELY

The “Bump Girl” Theory

Haaave you met Ted?… Because the mother may have

This one is probably the sliest of them all. In Season 3, Barney takes Ted to a St. Patrick’s Day party. Future Ted tells us that the mother was at that party but he didn’t meet her that night, and he’s glad he didn’t. However, when Barney calls Ted over to the bar, Ted bumps in to a girl and apologises and nothing is made of it, not one single acknowledgement of her or that incident, meaning he may have ‘met’ the mother. Being fair, I don’t think bumping in to someone constitutes meeting them, so it could possibly be the ‘bump girl’.

STATUS: LIKELY

The “Ted is Dead” Theory

*SPOILER ALERT*

Ted and gone… Is Mosby dead?

This is the darkest mother theory. Although, again it doesn’t reveal the identity of the mother, it gives us insight in to the background story. This theory is once more fuelled by ‘Time Travelers’, when Ted goes to speak to the mother in the episode, he says with tear filled eyes that he wants an ‘extra 45 days with her’ and that he would love her “for the rest of his days and beyond”, implying that Ted is actually the one that is dead or at least, one of them is. By the same merit, you could say that it would be unlikely for a sitcom to have such a grisly ending and honestly, I’d tend to agree with you.

STATUS: UNLIKELY