HIMYM

Room 101… Five

 

The HIMYM Finale

I’ve always hated you, Ted

I’ve already written about how awful losing this phantom slap bet felt. It was legen…wait for it… f*****g s**t… legen- f*****g s**t, and I will never get over it. Ironically, I intend to spend nine years telling my own children the story of How I Met Your Mother and letting them suffer the dagger to the heart in the final installment – this betrayal shall never be forgotten. No matter how much better the alternative ending was.

The X Factor clichés

Morons

I was just like everyone else in the years of Leona, JLS and Diana Vickers – the nation loved The X Factor, no matter how tacky it was/is, we all secretly liked it. There are about 6,812 things about the show that I could condemn to Room 101 nowadays; the stringently false sob stories or the judges’ entrance music that tries to act as if Cheryl Cole and co. have arrived from the gates of hell themselves. But the biggest irritant is a million percent the tedious clichés in what I think are supposed to be genuine critique from so-called experts. It’s like yeah thanks, Mel, I’m glad you like her outfit but that’s not really gonna help her sing better next week is it? You look like a young *shit popstar*, I want *place your from* to vote for you, you’re such a nice *guy/girl*, you need to be in the final says Louis to everyone, failing to comprehend the concept of the weekly eliminations, he’s presided over since the first publication of the Old Testament. In truth, The X Factor has become a parody of some hopelessly over the top Spanish soap opera backed by a brainless studio audience that would lynch Mother Theresa if she didn’t gloss over the gold-painted comedy act murdering Whitney Houston on stage.

MTV Reality Shows

Losers, every single one of them.

I mean I’m singling out MTV here because their offerings offend me the most but efforts like TOWIE and MiC are fairly bad for this too. I’m not about attacking the viewers of these programmes, I love trash TV as much as the next person but the people these programmes produce are simply detestable. Taking Geordie Shore for example, you’ve got that Scotty, sitting there in his tank top fidgeting like a Furby on crack, unable to keep his eyes on the producer as he feigns a ‘lad’ persona as best as he can to please his big-headed mate. In fact, I caught a portion of one episode where one girl said “she was going out to do what she does best; getting mortal and tashing on” – if the best things you can do in life involve swallowing and slobbering then you’d best be some kind of primitive beast and not just look like one. Oh, and maybe stop trying to be an ultra-cool vapid parasite, who wouldn’t look out of site in the background of a The Walking Dead scene.

Blonde hair bullying

Admittedly, this could be a selfie.

This is completely personal and I’m not convinced anyone else ever experiences it but I for one am tired of being told that I look like every other blonde person to ever exist ever. I don’t. It’s a serious problem, if a blonde male celebrity comes to prominence I get told I look like him and 100% of the time I really don’t. Neil Patrick Harris? Nope. Mark Paul Gosselaar in his Saved by the Bell years? Nope. Jimmy Saville? I will slap you. Sam Strike? I wish.  Fact of the matter is, I can’t simultaneously look like all of these people anyway, if I was bald, would I look like Ross Kemp and if I was ginger, would I look like Prince Harry? Simply put, I don’t look like any celebrity just because I have a similar hair colour. The only one slightly close is Clare Balding – which is truly an honour.

 

“Respect my opinion”

“how can u question my opinion its like human rights”

I can be quite argumentative at times – shock horror, breaking news etc. etc. But there is nothing more annoying than when in a spirited disagreement with someone they whip out the perceived criticism forcefield that is “you’ve got to respect my opinion” because the simple fact is I bloody well don’t. The only real rule is that you have to respect everyone’s right to hold their own opinions but no, I won’t respect someone’s opinion that ramming a fork in to a toaster to retrieve a slice is a good idea, nor will I respect the opinions of that blithering red-faced toenail in charge of UKIP. And if you don’t like that premise then you have to respect my opinion that your opinion is whack as fuck.

 Banter lords

SOIYA

This blog post needs some #EPICBANTZ!!!! Seriously, what is everyone’s obsession with ‘banter’? It’s treated like this invisible drug that springs young ‘#LADS’ in to life and gives them a reason to exist. We’re supposed to live in a time of ‘PC gone mad’ but it kinda looks like the opposite is true too. People crave banter like nourishment, because it’s like 100% okay to say whatever you want to anyone as long as your slap down your #BANTZ card on delivery. It doesn’t matter how unfunny it is, if you use the words ‘melt’, ‘mong’ or ‘Aids’ you get extra #LADBANTZPOINTS too. It really is a fun game, right? That’s why it was so sad and definitely a fix that volatile dope, sorry… Jimmy ultimate lad banter-king Bullard was eliminated from I’m a Celebrity… so early. You know it’s outrageous, I mean I for one was in stitches when Jimmy took offence to Jake’s #EPICBANTZ and returned some home truths in a nasty tone. But that’s totally fine, because being the master of subterfuge that he is, he later called it #BANTZ so he never meant a word and anyone that thought he did is ridiculous. I’m not really sure why banter lords get so offended when people are offended at people disguising nastiness as humour – today’s banter rarely ever involves any genuine wit. To be honest, it goes something like this, you get verbally insulted, get told it’s some form of humour, get told you’re not allowed to be offended by it by people offended that people are so offended by them being intentionally offensive without wanting to seem offensive. As for Jimmy being voted off, maybe try actually voting for your favourites next time instead of blaming TV companies for ‘fixing’ it so popular contestants get thrown out at the earliest opportunity. #FuckingNovelIdeaLAD

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How 9 Years of Television Were Just About Saved in Four and a Half Minutes

And relax…at the end of last week, the highly anticipated alternative REAL ending was leaked on to the internet and thank goodness it was. I really really like How I Met Your Mother. It never made me laugh consistently but it had a lot of heart, a great story, a unique gimmick and characters you cared about. Yeah, it was quite funny and easy to watch but its biggest triumph was making characters care so much about Ted, Barney, Robin, Lily, Marshall and Tracy. In April, I wrote about how Carter Bays and Craig Thomas’ ill-conceived finale basically ruined the nine years of TV that preceded it, so it seems only fair that now they’ve tried to correct their glaring faux pas, that we look at what went right and what still didn’t…

+ Ted didn’t end up with Robin

Hallelujah! The fact that the blue french horn peskily found a way to trump the yellow umbrella back in March was without doubt the worst part of the finale – and that’s no mean feat! I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, Ted and Robin make no sense. Maybe they did in 2005 but after nine long years of watching the pair develop, there’s simply no way. I’m still annoyed at the ridiculous U-turn of the writers in the original ending especially because it was probably just so they could use archive footage. Urgh. Thankfully, Robin can be my favourite character again. The meeting (what the show was about) between Ted and Tracy was sufficient for the viewers and it was right to end the episode there.

Fulfilling… Ted meets Tracy and she doesn’t die! Hooray!

+ Ted’s recap of the series

I don’t usually like self-appreciating shows but HIMYM probably deserved a moment of reflection in the finale. Ted recapping the long journey that led him to the mother, was far more respectful to her character and the show itself than having him disregard this journey as an afterthought in order to pursue Robin. It gave us a happy reflection on Ted’s irritating quest for the one, allowing the series to cap off it’s achievements on screen.

  Ted not visibly addressing the kids

I know, it’s a really small detail but it seemed right that the last line – “and that kids, is how I met your mother” – was spoken visibly to the children by future Ted, just before the visual credits. Of course, had they gone with the correct ending in the first place I’d imagine that small creases like this would have been ironed out.

+ The implication that Barney and Robin got back together

As a fervent supporter of Robin & Barney over Robin & Ted this was the most satisfying part. The finale’s ending wasn’t the only thing that was wrong with it – the rest wasn’t good either. I had real concerns when the alternate ending was announced that Robin and Barney would remain separated. After all, they broke up earlier in the episode and no new footage was filmed to piece together a different climax. However, future Ted’s narration about the tribulations of life and how things “things fall apart, things get put back together” as the camera pans to Robin and Barney exchanging glances at Ted and Tracy’s wedding. It also bodes well that in Ted’s recap of his story that Barney and Robin falling for each other was included and their divorce wasn’t. Long live Stinsbatsky!

Reunited? The right couple may have survived after all.

  The change of music

I’m definitely being pernickety here but my favourite thing – scratch that – basically the only thing I liked about the original ending was the music. The Walkman’s ‘Heaven’ carried on a long tradition of the show using great songs to escalate the emotion of certain moments and it was the perfect nostalgic track to see the show out. I seriously love that song.

+ The clip of the dancing yellow umbrella

After all, the yellow umbrella was what the show was all about. Not the blue french horn. It was NEVER about the blue french horn.

So there we have it, the alternate ending was simply unquantifiably better than the original. Thank you, Carter Bays and Craig Thomas for rectifying your horrendous blunder. I think it’s best we all pretend that the original ending never happened. At least now, I won’t have to sell my HIMYM boxset on eBay.

The Non-Conformist View of TV Characters

When you look at the popular sitcoms; Friends, How I Met Your Mother, The Big Bang Theory etc., you can instantly say which characters from these respective shows are the most adulated. For instance, I can say with confidence that of the aforementioned shows, Joey Tribbiani, Barney Stinson and Sheldon Cooper are the most popular among the masses. But why does the common viewer find them so engaging?

Popular… Joey is one of TV’s most favoured characters despite his many personality flaws.

If I run with the three characters I’ve already selected then we can see huge flaws in each’s personality. Starting with Joey, he is moronic, selfish and gluttonous. He often acts with little thought for consequence and goes in to Monica & Chandler’s apartment with the sole intention of gorging himself on their inventory.  Barney Stinson is similarly self-centered. He also shows signs of narcissism not to mention his horrendous promiscuity, a characteristic he shares with Joey too. Sheldon is not comparable with either predecessor in that way, but from what I have seen of The Big Bang Theory (which isn’t that much), he is conceited and cold towards people, even his friends. For all their criticisms, these characters each have positives to go with them but it certainly does make you wonder whether the average viewer would warm to them as much if they knew them in real-life. I do actually like Barney’s character for the most part and can see why people are drawn to this larger-than-life, abnormal persona that they present – entertainment. But at the same time, isn’t it kind of irresponsible to promote such negative personality traits?

Authentic… Lynette’s palpable realism is not rewarded in fans.

Like I say, I do like some of these popular characters but in all honesty, I tend to favour the underdogs of television. A list of some of my favourite TV characters in recent times consists of Super Claire Dunphy, Lynette Scavo, Edie Britt, Jane Kerkovich-Williams, Robin Scherbatsky. What do you notice? All female, all usually unpopular. Now, I don’t really think gender has any dictation on my preference of TV character – it’s merely a coincidence. But what I do see from this list is realism. These could all be real people. If I walk down the street, I could easily bump in to one of these characters. I’m not going to come across a suit worshipper, a ridiculously imbecilic lothario or a big-headed physics snob. Personally, I like to be able to relate to the characters on screen, I like to see myself and others in them. Lynette Scavo and Claire Dunphy are frighteningly realistic and could represent 70% of mothers in Western society, something that cannot be said of their eccentric co-stars. Other characters such as Edie Britt and Robin Scherbatsky, although presented as strong independent women have so much depth and vulnerability especially for two shows that rely on comedic elements.

To be frank, I can’t really fathom why these brain-dead, offbeat types are preferred to the brilliantly observed realistic characters on the box. I think you have to appreciate how much harder it is to write a character in a relatable way. It’s easy to exaggerate mannerisms and actions of a character to the point it becomes ridiculous but to pair the dramatic twists and turns of the small screen with believable characters is well and truly skillful. In fact, it’s a surprise in a generation fascinated by reality TV that these characters are less welcomed but maybe it’s because we hate the fact that these characters remind us… of us.

My favourite things

This blog is completely pointless and narcissistic but I feel like I moan a lot in my posts so I thought I’d share the things I really like and give them a bit of praise.

TV Programmes

“Shut up, I win”… Modern Family is my all-time favourite TV programme

1. Modern Family
Okay, maybe I’ve praised this show enough but then again, I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of gloating about just how good this programme is. Its brilliantly observed  social commentaries, combined with impeccable writing of various types of humour make it a refreshing change from the average US sitcom. It’s already a classic and easily my all-time favourite TV programme.

2. Friends
Given the fact, I’ve spent my entire life watching re-runs of this show on E4 and now Comedy Central, it would be unfair not to have this among my favourites. Unlike Modern Family, it is a typical US sitcom, it’s just a lot funnier than the others.

3. How I Met Your Mother
Funnily enough, I was sceptical of HIMYM when I first heard of it. I assumed it would be a less-funny ode to Friends. And in all honesty, Friends is funnier but HIMYM’s interesting spin on the plot of an average US sitcom and it’s brilliant gimmicks make it stand out from the rest.

4. Desperate Housewives
I don’t even know why I liked this programme so much. It’s just so interesting, a perfect blend of drama and comedy that’s oddly relatable to every day life. At times, it is completely over-the-top and unrealistic but that can be forgiven when you consider it at its best. If you only watch one season of this show, make sure it’s season one.

Films

The force is with Star Wars… my all-time favourite films

1. Star Wars saga
Being honest, I’m not a big film person. Obviously, there are loads of films that I like but few that really stand out. Other than White Chicks and the Lion King, I struggled to think of anything that could compete with this, so it stands alone. Regrettably, I haven’t seen many of cinema’s modern classics (something I intend on correcting every summer but never do). Anyway, Star Wars is the ultimate sci-fi saga. I spent a lot of my childhood being obsessed with this franchise, meaning I have something like 20 lightsabers stored underneath my bed. It really is a great film, and yes the original trilogy is far better. It still shocks me that some people have never seen these films… and I hate them for it.

Albums

“‘Cause this is Thriller. Thriller night!”

1. Thriller
This is simply put the best album ever made. Featuring so many of MJ’s classsics including Thriller, Billie Jean, Beat It, P.Y.T., Wanna Be Startin’ Somethin’, The Girl is Mine and Human Nature, you can see why it’s the biggest selling album of all-time and my favourite.

2. Aim & Ignite
Okay, Fun. burst on to the chart scene in Spring 2012, with their hit “We Are Young” taken from their second studio album, Some Nights. While, that album is superb and only just misses out on a spot in the top 5, Fun.’s lesser known predecessor is even better. It’s melodic from start to finish with brilliantly crafted songs and lyrics that really make you think. It’s a shame they didn’t get much recognition for this album too.

3. Fearless
I don’t really care about the stigma attached to picking a Taylor Swift album as one of your favourites. I have a quiet love for country music and she has a well-known talent for song writing. In all honesty, I could have selected either Speak Now or Red to join the top five too but this album is just about her best.

4. Songs About Jane
When you were young, every family had that one album that you played in the car non-stop, every journey. This was ours. It really is brilliant.

5. Rumours
Again, a worldwide recognised classic. My love for this album probably again stems back to my quiet love for country and guitar music. It features many of the bands classics and is hard not to like. Although, funnily enough when I first heard this album, I hated it.

It’s worth noting, these are also my five favourite artists. Honourable mention to S Club 7 for providing the soundtrack of my childhood and yes, I still have a cheeky  S Club party every now and then.

Holiday destinations

Bude-iful… My favourite holiday destination

1. Bude
Ideally, an average looking seaside town in Cornwall is not the place you want to go on holiday. It’s mostly for personal reasons that I’ve picked this as number-one. Nearly everyone has a holiday destination their family goes to often. Bude is that for my family.

2. Los Angeles
Most people say LA isn’t as good as it’s hyped up to be. But it really is, the climate, the people and the sights are all incredible. It’s a place you simply have to visit.

3. San Francisco
San Fran is a great city of diversity, it has such a varied nature to it, there are rural areas, coastal areas, Skegness-esque areas and big city areas. Accompanied by the climate which is great too, it’s a must visit. In fact, if it weren’t for the USA’s gun crime problem, the San Andreas fault and its proximity to Yellowstone, I’d move to California in a heartbeat.

4. Canary Islands
Particularly Gran Canaria and Tenerife, these islands are wonderful, just off the coast of Africa, it is always hot and just a great place to be.

Who is the Mother?

In a recent episode of How I Met Your Mother Ted speaks directly to the mother with tear-filled eyes promising that he will love her for the rest of days and beyond and how he cannot wait to meet her in 45 days time. That episode, ‘Time Travelers’ aired in the States on 25th March. Forty five days after that date is the 10th May, three days before HIMYM’s season 8 finale airs. It’s now looking likely after 8 years of waiting and funny tedium, the mother is finally going to be revealed. Once again, begging the question just who the freaking hell is she?

The Mother is dead Theory

How Your Mother Met Her Maker… Is the Mother dead?

It wouldn’t be laughable to think that the mother, the fans have pined to be introduced to for the last eight years is in fact dead. We never see her in Future Ted’s world and we never see her in flash forwards, not even her ankle or anything annoying like that. It would also answer why Future Ted is telling this story to his kids, I for one have never really wanted to know how my parents met. So, although it is quite possible that she is dead, it still doesn’t reveal her identity.

Status: LIKELY

The Half-Sister Theory

Popular… The half-sister theory is looking more and more unlikely.

Many HIMYM fans believe that Ted’s wife is Barney’s half-sister. It made sense, she was an Economics student at university, the class Ted accidentally taught. We know the mother was in that room. It also made sense as to why Barney was called ‘Uncle Barney’ and Robin was called ‘Aunt Robin’ in the future, meaning they wouldn’t just be honorary titles. But, *SPOILER ALERT, UK VIEWERS* the popular theory has since been quashed, as Ted dates Carly in the Season 8 episode, “Ring Up!”, meaning she is almost definitely not the mother.

STATUS: UNLIKELY

Victoria?

Con… Has Ted already met their mother?

If we overlook Queen Scherbatsky and Stella, the only other significant romance, Ted has had throughout the series is Victoria. The two never really left on bad terms and in a surprise twist, he could have met their mother in Season One. She’s already been brought back once…

STATUS: POSSIBLE 

The “Her Name is Tracy” Theory

Tease… Is The Mother’s name Tracy?

A weird one to say the least. In Season One, Ted visits a strip club where is approached by a stripper named Tracy. Future Ted jokes and says “… and that’s how I met your mother”. His kids are taken aback, but why would they be if Tracy isn’t the mother’s name? Another thing to dwell on is the Tracy in the Season 4 finale. After Robin tells Barney that she ‘loves’ him, Barney finds a woman named Tracy who he subsequently tries to seduce, how can Ted know she was there if they never actually met in that episode?

STATUS: UNLIKELY

Robin?

Dammit Patrice… Robin is marrying BARNEY.

IT’S NOT ROBIN! For goodness sake, she’s marrying Barney, he refers to her as Aunt Robin. Ted has kids, she can’t have kids. His kids have drawn pictures of her and them together. There are so many flaws yet still people won’t accept it. What is that all aboot, eh?

STATUS: IMPOSSIBLE

The “Ted’s Perfect Match” Theory

The one… Ted wrongly chose Robin over his ‘perfect match’… classic Schmosby

Remember in the season one finalé, when Ted ditches his ‘perfect match’ because he’d rather have had Robin? It seems quite possible that his perfect match was in fact, the mother. Although, surprisingly Future Ted never eludes to that in narration. However, that would have given it away so it is definitely still a possibility.

STATUS: LIKELY

The “Bump Girl” Theory

Haaave you met Ted?… Because the mother may have

This one is probably the sliest of them all. In Season 3, Barney takes Ted to a St. Patrick’s Day party. Future Ted tells us that the mother was at that party but he didn’t meet her that night, and he’s glad he didn’t. However, when Barney calls Ted over to the bar, Ted bumps in to a girl and apologises and nothing is made of it, not one single acknowledgement of her or that incident, meaning he may have ‘met’ the mother. Being fair, I don’t think bumping in to someone constitutes meeting them, so it could possibly be the ‘bump girl’.

STATUS: LIKELY

The “Ted is Dead” Theory

*SPOILER ALERT*

Ted and gone… Is Mosby dead?

This is the darkest mother theory. Although, again it doesn’t reveal the identity of the mother, it gives us insight in to the background story. This theory is once more fuelled by ‘Time Travelers’, when Ted goes to speak to the mother in the episode, he says with tear filled eyes that he wants an ‘extra 45 days with her’ and that he would love her “for the rest of his days and beyond”, implying that Ted is actually the one that is dead or at least, one of them is. By the same merit, you could say that it would be unlikely for a sitcom to have such a grisly ending and honestly, I’d tend to agree with you.

STATUS: UNLIKELY