Charlton Athletic F.C.

Room 101…Four

Scouting for Girls Syndrome

Scouting for Formula…Sing a new song, would ya?

Also known as “Ke$ha syndrome; the unfortunate inability to make any of your songs sound any different from the other. “Elvis isn’t lovely just for the day! Ooooooooooo ooooooo!” sing-a-long, anyone?

Cat haters

Furry friends… Dogs are great but I’m a cat person.

I love cats. I have two so I should but my adoration for my furry feline friends doesn’t mean I hate dogs. The same isn’t said for the snooty dog-loving brigade of whom a sizeable bunch dislike cats. There are so many misconceptions of cats that they’re boring. They’re really not, my cats keep me entertained for hours every day and they’re no spring chickens at the ripe age of twelve. They’re not unloving either, my cats are the soppiest, clingiest things ever. They truly love you, once you’ve earned their love, dogs are just more liberal with their life. Cats are just plain cool; loving, funny, cute, furry little bad-asses. As a Shaniqua, a 14-year-old Facebook user would say whilst snapping a pic of her with a WKD blue… FUCK DA H8Rz!

Word shortenings

OMG So Shit… Learn to speak.

Whose idea was this? You know, to shorten every word possible in to one syllable? What is ‘perf’? Fucking hell, soon every word will be monosyllabic and conversations will sound like an endless string of morse code.

Whose id was this? You know to short ev word poss in to one syll? What is ‘perf’? Fuck hell, soon ev word will be mon and cons will sound like an end stri of mor code.

Failing technology

adAHIASHFKJASHFKJSHFKSFKJshfkjh! *PUNCHES SCREEN  AND NEARBY RADIATOR*

Away kits being unnecessarily worn

NO!… This is wrong

This one is completely irrational. I have no real reason to be so offended by this but I really am. I mean when let’s say Charlton Athletic and Sheffield Wednesday were to meet at the Valley (they did the day before I wrote this), then I expect to see Charlton in red and Wednesday in blue and white stripes but I didn’t. Of course, the Addicks donned their usual home colours but Wednesday appeared in their all-black second strip despite no clash with the home side. This is now commonplace in football and it upsets me. Wednesday aren’t black they’re blue and white!

New Look

No Look… You’ll never see again

Having spent a lot of time in this dreadful retailer when I was younger as my Mum and sister loved visiting it at Fosse Park – I have grown to despise it. Why? It’s compressed in there. They make the gangways ridiculously small, leaving very little room for that thing I like to be exposed to at all times, what is it called? Oh, yeah… oxygen! But what’s worse is the lighting. Literally, it is the brightest place in the world, you could stumble in with three pairs of sunglasses on and you’d still be left clenching at your eyelids begging God for your sight back. It must be comparable to staring in to a Super nova. Maybe they use such offensive lighting to distract from the shitty clothes they’re trying to sell. If they had an ounce of business acumen, they’d look in to selling guide dogs.

The McCallisters

Villains… Somebody call Social Services and save poor Kevin from these tyrants.

I saved these until last because quite simply, they’re the worst thing on this list. Since it’s been Christmas time, my hatred for this putrid family has reared its ugly head again. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Home Alone, I bloody love it, it’s my favourite Christmas film, 1 and 2, not the other rubbish ones. Now, I know that Marv and Harry are supposed to be the villains but if we’re being honest, Kevin’s family are the true evil in this film franchise. Let’s start with the first film, they bully him, calling him disgusting names and then leave him at home while they toddle off to a different continent, they don’t realise at the airport, but mid-flight and only the mother realises. They make several half-hearted attempts to contact him whilst Kate shows some genuine concern and desire to get home for her son. When they all finally do get back home, they speak to Kevin for all of three seconds before leaving him on his own yet again and going about their business. The second instalment is even worse. First of all, Kevin’s big brother Buzz embarrasses him at the Christmas concert and then Kevin retaliates. Buzz gets off scot free with a blatantly insincere apology while Kevin is once again banished upstairs. Once more, the irresponsible clan oversleep leading to a rushed dash to the airport while Kevin is trying to change batteries in his recorder, the family all bomb off leaving him behind. Kate tells the stewardess she refuses to board without seeing Kevin get on the plane, of course some tame reassurance from the stewardess is all it takes for Kate to hop on board without a second thought to Kevin. Worse than before, the family only realise Kevin is missing at the baggage claim. This time, Kate is the last to realise but what’s worse is that every family member before is completely nonplussed by Kevin’s second disappearance – even his father. Once more, the McCallisters seek the authorities for help before making a shockingly insensitive joke about losing their son twice but never their luggage. Fucking freaks! I mean honestly! The family is staying in Florida when Kate gets the call that Kevin has been located in New York, now you expect the family to hug eachother and break in to sobs as they realise their loved one is safe and alive but do they? Do they buggery! Instead, all those heartless scumbags can think about is a free trip to the Big Apple! Once more, Kate is the only one genuinely trying to find Kevin, which shouldn’t distract from her shocking negligence. When they’re reunited, Kevin apologises to his mother… for some reason. The next morning, on Christmas day, Duncan’s Toy Chest has donated presents to the entire family because of Kevin’s heroics. Of course, this greedy, selfish bunch can’t wait to tuck in, allowing Kevin to slip off undetected…on Christmas morning…one day after being found following a lengthy disappearance…for the second time. So Kevin goes off to talk to the pigeon lady and what does he hear? His concerned dad making sure Kevin never leaves his sight again? No. An angry Peter McAllister who is far more bothered by the fact he has a pricey hotel room service bill to pay rather than his lax parenting abilities, traumatised son and awful demon spawn children. Maybe, had this incompetent twat bothered to pay attention to 10-year-old Kevin, he wouldn’t have a $900 bill. I honestly wish Kevin had unleashed his deadly pranks on his atrocious family members rather than the Wet/Sticky bandits. Arseholes.

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2012-13 Football Rivalry Survey Results

The survey was carried out between August 2012 and February 2013 and was answered by just under 2,100 football fans.

Rivalry… English football’s hate stakes revealed

Headline statistics

  • 17 clubs’ main rivals have changed since 2003.
  • Leeds United  have the most teams considering them as main rivals with four. Manchester United and Nottingham Forest are joint second with three each.
  • Gillingham  have the fewest rivals, appearing in no club’s top three rivalries.
  • 52.2% of fans believe that geographical proximity is the cause of their main rivalry. 34.7% blame it on history whereas 8.2% think it’s down to league position.
  • 73.9% of football fans claim they would miss their rivals if they ceased to exist.

Changing rivalries

Since 2003, 17 club’s main rivals have changed. They are as follows;

Team Old Rival New Rival
AFC Bournemouth Reading Southampton
Arsenal Manchester United Tottenham Hotspur
Bolton Wanderers Manchester United Wigan Athletic
Brentford Queens Park Rangers Fulham
Carlisle United Middlesbrough Preston North End
Chelsea Arsenal Tottenham Hotspur
Colchester United Wycombe Wanderers Southend United
Coventry City Aston Villa Leicester City
Crewe Alexandra Stoke City Port Vale
Doncaster Rovers Rotherham United Leeds United
Fulham Chelsea Queens Park Rangers
Huddersfield Town Bradford City Leeds United
Oldham Athletic Manchester City Rochdale
Reading Swindon Town Aldershot Town
Torquay United Exeter City Plymouth Argyle
Tranmere Rovers Bolton Wanderers Oldham Athletic

Clubs with the most rivals

With 3 points allocated for having one main rival and two for having a secondary rival etc., here is a ranking of clubs with the most rivals in the Football League.

Rank Club Points
1 Leeds 25
2 Chelsea 15
Manchester United 15
4 Bolton 14
Swindon 14
Wolves 14
7 Burnley 12
Millwall 12
Sheff Wed 12
10 Crystal Palace 11
Leicester 11
MK Dons 11
13 Aston Villa 10
Blackburn 10
Brighton 10
16 Bristol Rovers 9
Liverpool 9
Nott’m Forest 9
Oxford 9
Reading 9
West Brom 9
West Ham 9
23 Arsenal 8
Preston 8
Tottenham Hotspur 8
26 Birmingham 7
Bristol City 7
Cardiff 7
Colchester 7
Derby 7
Exeter 7
Port Vale 7
Sheff Utd 7
Southampton 7
35 Huddersfield 6
Hull 6
Morecambe 6
Newcastle 6
Peterborough 6
Plymouth 6
Portsmouth 6
QPR 6
Southend 6
Stoke 6
45 Accrington 5
AFC Wimbledon 5
Barnet 5
Barnsley 5
Chesterfield 5
Dag & Red 5
Fulham 5
Middlesbrough 5
Northampton 5
Oldham 5
Rochdale 5
Sunderland 5
Wigan 5
58 Blackpool 4
Bradford 4
Brentford 4
Charlton 4
Doncaster 4
Everton 4
Ipswich 4
Leyton Orient 4
Torquay 4
67 Aldershot 3
Bury 3
Carlisle 3
Manchester City 3
Norwich 3
Rotherham 3
Stevenage 3
Swansea 3
Walsall 3
Wycombe 3
77 Crewe 2
Hartlepool 2
Shrewsbury 2
80 Bournemouth 1
Coventry 1
Crawley 1
Notts County 1
Scunthorpe 1
Yeovil 1
86 Burton 0
Cheltenham 0
Fleetwood 0
Gillingham 0
Tranmere 0
Watford 0
York 0

Rivalries – Who are they?

Here is a complete list of the 92 Premier League and Football League clubs’ top three rivalries;

Team Main rivals Second rivals Third rivals
Accrington Stanley Morecambe Blackburn Rovers Burnley
AFC Bournemouth Southampton Reading Brighton & Hove Albion
AFC Wimbledon Milton Keynes Dons Crystal Palace Crawley Town
Aldershot Town Reading Woking Swindon Town
Arsenal Tottenham Hotspur Chelsea Manchester United
Aston Villa Birmingham City West Bromwich Albion Wolves
Barnet Stevenage Dagenham & Redbridge Northampton Town / Carlisle United
Barnsley Sheffield Wednesday Sheffield United Leeds United / Huddersfield Town
Birmingham City Aston Villa Wolves West Bromwich Albion
Blackburn Rovers Burnley Bolton Wanderers Manchester United
Blackpool Preston North End Bolton Wanderers Burnley
Bolton Wanderers Wigan Athletic Burnley Blackburn Rovers
Bradford City Huddersfield Town Leeds United Rotherham United
Brentford Fulham Queens Park Rangers Chelsea
Brighton & Hove Albion Crystal Palace Portsmouth Southampton
Bristol City Bristol Rovers Cardiff City Swindon Town
Bristol Rovers Bristol City Swindon Town Cardiff City
Burnley Blackburn Rovers Bolton Wanderers Blackpool / Preston North End
Burton Albion Chesterfield Derby County Notts County
Bury Bolton Wanderers Rochdale Oldham Athletic
Cardiff City Swansea City Bristol City Leeds United
Carlisle United Preston North End Hartlepool United Middlesbrough
Charlton Athletic Crystal Palace Millwall West Ham United
Chelsea Tottenham Hotspur Arsenal Manchester United
Cheltenham Town Swindon Town Oxford United Shrewsbury Town / Kidderminster Harriers
Chesterfield Mansfield Town Rotherham United Sheffield Wednesday
Colchester United Southend United Wycombe Wanderers Ipswich Town
Coventry City Leicester City Aston Villa Birmingham City
Crawley Town AFC Wimbledon Brighton & Hove Albion Swindon Town
Crewe Alexandra Port Vale Stoke City
Crystal Palace Brighton & Hove Albion Millwall Charlton Athletic
Dagenham & Redbridge Barnet Leyton Orient Brentford
Derby County Nottingham Forest Leeds United Leicester City
Doncaster Rovers Leeds United Barnsley Sheffield United / Sheffield Wednesday
Everton Liverpool Manchester United Manchester City
Exeter City Plymouth Argyle Torquay United Bristol Rovers / Yeovil Town
Fleetwood Town Morecambe Accrington Stanley Barrow
Fulham Queens Park Rangers Chelsea Brentford
Gillingham Millwall Charlton Athletic Swindon Town
Hartlepool United Darlington Carlisle United Sheffield Wednesday
Huddersfield Town Leeds United Bradford City Sheffield Wednesday
Hull City Leeds United Leicester City Scunthorpe United / Grimsby Town
Ipswich Town Norwich City West Ham United Colchester United
Leeds United Manchester United Chelsea Huddersfield Town / Millwall
Leicester City Nottingham Forest Derby County Coventry City
Leyton Orient Southend United Brentford Dagenham & Redbridge / West Ham United
Liverpool Manchester United Everton Chelsea
Manchester City Manchester United Liverpool Everton
Manchester United Liverpool Manchester City Chelsea
Middlesbrough Newcastle United Sunderland Leeds United
Millwall West Ham United Crystal Palace Charlton Athletic
Milton Keynes Dons Peterborough United AFC Wimbledon Northampton Town
Morecambe Accrington Stanley Burnley Bradford City
Newcastle United Sunderland Middlesbrough Manchester United
Northampton Town Peterborough United Milton Keynes Dons Leicester City / Oxford United
Norwich City Ipswich Town Wolves Leeds United
Nottingham Forest Derby County Leicester City Sheffield United
Notts County Nottingham Forest Mansfield Town Chesterfield
Oldham Athletic Rochdale Wigan Athletic Huddersfield Town
Oxford United Swindon Town Reading Wycombe Wanderers
Peterborough United Northampton Town Cambridge United Leicester City / Milton Keynes Dons
Plymouth Argyle Exeter City Torquay United Portsmouth
Port Vale Stoke City Crewe Alexandra Shrewsbury Town
Portsmouth Southampton Brighton & Hove Albion Millwall / Leicester City
Preston North End Blackpool Blackburn Rovers Burnley
Queens Park Rangers Chelsea Fulham Cardiff City / Stoke City
Reading Aldershot Town Swindon Town Oxford United
Rochdale Bury Burnley Oldham Athletic
Rotherham United Doncaster Rovers Sheffield Wednesday Chesterfield
Scunthorpe United Hull City Grimsby Town Doncaster Rovers
Sheffield United Sheffield Wednesday Leeds United Barnsley / West Ham United
Sheffield Wednesday Sheffield United Barnsley Leeds United
Shrewsbury Town Walsall Wolves Port Vale
Southampton Portsmouth Brighton & Hove Albion Bournemouth
Southend United Colchester United Leyton Orient Dagenham & Redbridge
Stevenage Milton Keynes Dons Barnet Dagenham & Redbridge
Stoke City Port Vale West Bromwich Albion Wolves
Sunderland Newcastle United Middlesbrough Leeds United
Swansea City Cardiff City Reading Bristol City
Swindon Town Oxford United Reading Bristol City / Bristol Rovers
Torquay United Plymouth Argyle Exeter City Bristol Rovers
Tottenham Hotspur Arsenal Chelsea West Ham United
Tranmere Rovers Oldham Athletic Bolton Wanderers Everton / Liverpool
Walsall Wolves Aston Villa West Bromwich Albion
Watford Luton Town Leeds United Crystal Palace / Queens Park Rangers
West Bromwich Albion Wolves Aston Villa Birmingham City
West Ham United Millwall Tottenham Hotspur Arsenal / Chelsea
Wigan Athletic Bolton Wanderers Blackburn Rovers Preston North End
Wolves West Bromwich Albion Birmingham City Aston Villa
Wycombe Wanderers Colchester United Milton Keynes Dons Oxford United
Yeovil Town Bristol Rovers Exeter City
York City Hull City Leeds United Bradford City

Neutral opinion

The 20 most offensive clubs to the neutral football fan;

  1. Manchester United

    Hated… Manchester United are the most disliked English football club

  2. Liverpool
  3. Leeds United
  4. Chelsea
  5. West Ham United
  6. Stoke City
  7. Millwall
  8. Milton Keynes Dons
  9. Cardiff City
  10. Queens Park Rangers
  11. Manchester City
  12. Arsenal
  13. Tottenham Hotspur
  14. Crawley Town
  15. Birmingham City
  16. Aston Villa
  17. Hull City
  18. Nottingham Forest
  19. Reading
  20. Portsmouth

The 20 least offensive clubs to the neutral football fan were;

  1. Brentford

    Buzzing… The Bees are the Football League’s least offensive club

  2. Aldershot Town
  3. Burton Albion
  4. Bury
  5. Yeovil Town
  6. Cheltenham Town
  7. Dagenham & Redbridge
  8. Exeter City
  9. Torquay United
  10. Fulham
  11. Bournemouth
  12. Colchester United
  13. Leyton Orient
  14. Rochdale
  15. York City
  16. Carlisle United
  17. Crewe Alexandra
  18. Hartlepool United
  19. Tranmere Rovers
  20. Accrington Stanley

All stats compared with 2003 Football Fans Census : Rivalry Uncovered. However, this survey is not affiliated with the Football Fans Survey.