Ashton Kutcher

TV Characters We Would All Hate In Real-Life

Joey Tribbiani

Frustrating… Matt Le Blanc as Joey Tribbiani

To be honest, I hate him anyway. I’ve never understood his appeal but to some people, he’s the funniest character on Friends. I doubt the general public would be as loving of him if they knew him in real life. For a start, he is stupid and although it can be charming, he must be frustrating to deal with seeing as he cannot grasp simple conversations. He’s sleazy, sleeping with and then ditching multiple women with no remorse and he often barges in to Monica and Chandler’s apartment demanding food and freeloads off of them in general. Oh, and don’t even get me started on the whole French debacle.

Eric Cartman

Chickenlover

Respect My Authoritah… Evil Eric Cartman (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

What is there to say? We all love watching him on South Park but let’s not lose sight of the fact he’s a horrible little kid. He regularly exhibits racist and anti-semitic views, he tricked Butters in to thinking the world was ending so he could go to Kyle’s party in his place, he tried to exterminate the Jews, he injected Kyle with AIDs and he killed a boy’s parents and then made them in to a chilli that the boy unknowingly ate. A very sick individual that I’m sure none of us would like to know.


Ted Mosby

Let it go… Nobody is sure why Ted continues to pester Robin

It says a lot that the main character of a five-piece ensemble cast is the show’s least popular. The whole concept of How I Met Your Mother is based around Ted telling his kids the lengthy story of how he met their mother. Unfortunately, he is sidetracked by a whole lot of neediness, pathetic pining for ‘the one’, despite only being in his twenties. The whole Ted and Robin relationship is the most draining and irritating one to ever take place on the small screen, and since we love Sparkles so much, we blame it on Ted. We’re then left scratching our heads as to why he tells his kids about his various sexual conquests too. He just seems unbearably in need of constant emotional support.

Brian Griffin

Brian Griffin

Smug… Family Guy‘s Brian (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

The epitome of ‘liberal douche’ is Brian Griffin. I’m not against Liberalism, I’m actually a Liberal myself but the insufferable way Brian goes on about his political and moral views like he’s some sort of prophet is very irritating. Quagmire sums it up best when he calls him out for pretending to be smart when really he isn’t all that. Plus, if his pompous attitude isn’t enough to turn you off, he’s also a dog, nobody wants to be condescended to by a canine.

Piper Chapman

Naive… OITNB’s Piper in puppet form

If you’ve seen Netflix’s drama sensation Orange is the New Black then you’ll know what an anti-hero Piper Chapman is. She is the show’s protagonist and from the start, we are led to feel sorry for her but then she starts putting her foot in her mouth far too frequently and getting herself in to all sorts of problems that causes us to abandon her. And whenever she is forced to defend herself, she naively states that ‘she never meant for any of this to happen’, will she ever learn?

Charlie Harper

Promiscuous… Charlie Harper

Like Joey Tribbiani, Charlie Harper is a heartless lothario who shows no remorse for the many, many, many women he has wronged – it’s no wonder one of them pushed him in front of a train. And is it me or does he never actually seem to be working?  I don’t watch Two and a Half Men as much as the other shows referenced in this list but I’m certain I would much rather live with Ashton Kutcher.

Susan Delfino

Cutesy… Teri Hatcher as Susan Delfino

Okay, we liked her ditzy antics in the first season of Desperate Housewives and the other housewives seem to tolerate her but I like to think I’d treat her with the same contempt that Edie Britt does.  She’s slyly selfish, constantly putting her needs before others, shown perfectly by her desire to rely on her teenage daughter, Julie for empathy. Her cutesy act would quickly wear thin as would her clumsiness and her apparent inability to keep hold of Mike, the ‘love of her life’. Urgh, she should have been fried by a power line – not Edie.

Barney Stinson

Barney Stinson

Compulsive liar… NPH as Barney Stinson (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

You’d have to include Barney for the same reason as Joey Tribbiani and Charlie Harper. He is an absolutely nightmare to women. He uses them for sex and then chucks them plus his compulsive lying would make him exhausting to be around. He’s the sort of person you’d have out grown in high school but may keep him around because you feel sorry for him.

Family Guy: Which Griffin will meet their maker?

In a bizarre plot twist, not usually seen in animated comedies, a main cast member of Family Guy is set to be killed off. Prior to the premiere of the show’s twelfth season last Sunday on Fox, showrunners confirmed the demise of one of the Griffins in the new season in an episode guest starring Ashton Kutcher, in a spoof of CBS’ Two and a Half Men. I imagine this stunt is to generate interest in an increasingly repetitive cartoon stifled by the Simpsons monopolising storylines – it’s worked, this will be the first and likely last thing I write about the show. So, as I impatiently wait for my 100,000th view, we’ll run down the candidates for animated demise because while I’m obsessed with view counting, I can’t write anything requiring any real thought.

Nagging Nympho… Lois isn’t likely to get the chop

Lois Griffin

We’ll start with nasal housewife, Lois. She wouldn’t be that tragic a loss for the show. Sure, she’s needed to be a counteractive force to Peter’s silliness but she’s easily replaced. The voice actor, Alex Borstein also plays several other characters so it wouldn’t require a massive cast change should Lois be the one to bite the dust. It would even make sense to make Stewie her killer given his disdain for her that has subsided in recent years. That being said, there really is no reason for Lois to die and wouldn’t really provide the shake-up the producers are alluding to.
VERDICT: SAFE

 

Safe… It would make no sense to kill the ‘Family Guy’.

Peter Griffin

Then there’s the possibility of protagonist Peter being the one to die. In contrast to his flame-haired wife, it would certainly provide the shake-up the producers want but let’s be honest, the show would also die – in fact, the very concept of it would no longer make any sense. The only way Peter will end up dead is if he is resurrected without explanation in the very next episode, which is definitely a possibility.
VERDICT: SAFE

 

What the deuce?… Stewie will be fine

Stewie Griffin

Arguably, the show’s second most popular character. To put it plainly, there is no chance that Stewie will be killed off. I’ll actually go on the record and say that he is the least likely to bite the dust. His camp evilness is used time and time again to give viewers a break from Peter’s sometimes tiresome nonsense. Again, in the off chance that the producers do kill Stewie, he’ll be back almost imminently.
VERDICT: SAFE

Every dog has its day… and Brian’s might be about to end.

Brian Griffin

What about Brian, Stewie’s partner in crime? He’s certainly not the funniest character in the show, in fact he’s a bit of a douche at times. There’s actually a decent case to argue that Brian will have his coup de grace in season twelve. For example, he’s a blooming dog, dogs do not live this long.  He certainly wouldn’t be that missed and I’m sure Seth MacFarlane wouldn’t mind voicing just two of the six main characters instead of three. Brian the dog may have had his day.
VERDICT: IN DANGER

 

Shut up Meg.

Meg Griffin

Then there’s black sheep, Meg, voiced by the beautiful and frankly fucking cool, Mila Kunis. I honestly don’t think killing Meg off is a good idea from a creative perspective, sure she’s not necessarily popular (well I really like her), but the fact that she is such a reject within her own family has provided joke after joke over the last eleven seasons. The reason why she might be bumped off is the increasingly high demand of Kunis herself, who has outgrown the show in recent years, and with Ashton Kutcher (her current boyfriend) set to guest star, the signs don’t like great for Meg.
VERDICT: IN DANGER

 

Chris Griffin 

Without a Paddle… Seth Green’s is in deep water.

Lastly, is my least favourite Griffin, Chris. I don’t favour the others because he embarrasses my name but simply because I think he’s the most disposable. His usage has decreased in recent years and doesn’t hold a strong tie to any of the other family members. Peter has Lois, Stewie has Brian and Meg is Meg. It’s also worth noting that Seth Green, Chris’ portrayer, has just landed a starring role on a new sitcom, Dads. He’s also the only character to not have a previewed storyline for the anticipated Simpsons crossover. It’s not looking good for Peter and Lois’ eldest son and if I had to commit to just one name, I’d say Chris’ time is up.
VERDICT: IN DANGER