Month: February 2016

Stuff

I know this has almost become an annual thing and I guess people think I’m looking for attention but I’m not. I’m scared to be honest, I’m really really scared and I would be so grateful if somebody could help me.

I thought I had shaken the being dumped stuff but it’s coinciding with being taken off my anti-depressants and it’s not going and I’m annoyed at myself for still being upset because I know he’s a wanker in my head but my heart doesn’t. He dumped me by text and gave me no reason after ending a relationship we both agreed was “going really well”.

I hate my appearance, I hate it. I try so hard to work on it and improve it but I feel so inferior to so many other gay guys.

I keep seeing attractive gay guys everywhere and they make me feel so inferior in the looks department, make me hate my appearance and miss having someone I feel very unfulfilled and I’ve been trying a lot to broaden my horizons but nothing seems to stick – none of my friends at university seem very pro-active with taking me up on offers to hang out.

I have no money, can’t find a place for next year and all of my friends who I hang out with outside lectures are leaving at the end of this year meaning my social life will be even worse – I’m not even exaggerating. All six of the friends I regularly hang out with are all going.

Plus, at home my three best friends aren’t coming home for Summer and nor is my sister so I’ll be lonely for 5 months there too and I just don’t know what to do with myself. I’m constantly stressed about my lack of money and it’s too late in the day at uni to get a job this year and I don’t have the travel arrangements to be able to do so at home.

My family have had a lot of loss over the last year and I don’t feel safe and protected at ‘home’ anymore. My Mum’s home is just a different place and my Dad’s home is different and new.

I always seem to end up back in this place and I can’t work out how to avoid it because it feels like I’m doing an awful lot to prevent it but to no avail. I actually miss my ex, even though I’m pretty angry about how it all ended.

I’m desperate to escape to pastures new and to live the life I’ve been waiting to live for years. I want to go to London and live my life, I can’t bear 15 months, minimum, of this. I swear I haven’t known happiness since I was 13

It all feels a bit helpless, I feel like I’ve been waiting my whole life to get off the sidelines and now I’m actually trying to I can’t get anywhere with it. I know I’m feeling sorry for myself but yeah, I often wonder what the point is. I keep ending up back in the same place.