Month: December 2013

Room 101…Four

Scouting for Girls Syndrome

Scouting for Formula…Sing a new song, would ya?

Also known as “Ke$ha syndrome; the unfortunate inability to make any of your songs sound any different from the other. “Elvis isn’t lovely just for the day! Ooooooooooo ooooooo!” sing-a-long, anyone?

Cat haters

Furry friends… Dogs are great but I’m a cat person.

I love cats. I have two so I should but my adoration for my furry feline friends doesn’t mean I hate dogs. The same isn’t said for the snooty dog-loving brigade of whom a sizeable bunch dislike cats. There are so many misconceptions of cats that they’re boring. They’re really not, my cats keep me entertained for hours every day and they’re no spring chickens at the ripe age of twelve. They’re not unloving either, my cats are the soppiest, clingiest things ever. They truly love you, once you’ve earned their love, dogs are just more liberal with their life. Cats are just plain cool; loving, funny, cute, furry little bad-asses. As a Shaniqua, a 14-year-old Facebook user would say whilst snapping a pic of her with a WKD blue… FUCK DA H8Rz!

Word shortenings

OMG So Shit… Learn to speak.

Whose idea was this? You know, to shorten every word possible in to one syllable? What is ‘perf’? Fucking hell, soon every word will be monosyllabic and conversations will sound like an endless string of morse code.

Whose id was this? You know to short ev word poss in to one syll? What is ‘perf’? Fuck hell, soon ev word will be mon and cons will sound like an end stri of mor code.

Failing technology

adAHIASHFKJASHFKJSHFKSFKJshfkjh! *PUNCHES SCREEN  AND NEARBY RADIATOR*

Away kits being unnecessarily worn

NO!… This is wrong

This one is completely irrational. I have no real reason to be so offended by this but I really am. I mean when let’s say Charlton Athletic and Sheffield Wednesday were to meet at the Valley (they did the day before I wrote this), then I expect to see Charlton in red and Wednesday in blue and white stripes but I didn’t. Of course, the Addicks donned their usual home colours but Wednesday appeared in their all-black second strip despite no clash with the home side. This is now commonplace in football and it upsets me. Wednesday aren’t black they’re blue and white!

New Look

No Look… You’ll never see again

Having spent a lot of time in this dreadful retailer when I was younger as my Mum and sister loved visiting it at Fosse Park – I have grown to despise it. Why? It’s compressed in there. They make the gangways ridiculously small, leaving very little room for that thing I like to be exposed to at all times, what is it called? Oh, yeah… oxygen! But what’s worse is the lighting. Literally, it is the brightest place in the world, you could stumble in with three pairs of sunglasses on and you’d still be left clenching at your eyelids begging God for your sight back. It must be comparable to staring in to a Super nova. Maybe they use such offensive lighting to distract from the shitty clothes they’re trying to sell. If they had an ounce of business acumen, they’d look in to selling guide dogs.

The McCallisters

Villains… Somebody call Social Services and save poor Kevin from these tyrants.

I saved these until last because quite simply, they’re the worst thing on this list. Since it’s been Christmas time, my hatred for this putrid family has reared its ugly head again. Now, don’t get me wrong, I love Home Alone, I bloody love it, it’s my favourite Christmas film, 1 and 2, not the other rubbish ones. Now, I know that Marv and Harry are supposed to be the villains but if we’re being honest, Kevin’s family are the true evil in this film franchise. Let’s start with the first film, they bully him, calling him disgusting names and then leave him at home while they toddle off to a different continent, they don’t realise at the airport, but mid-flight and only the mother realises. They make several half-hearted attempts to contact him whilst Kate shows some genuine concern and desire to get home for her son. When they all finally do get back home, they speak to Kevin for all of three seconds before leaving him on his own yet again and going about their business. The second instalment is even worse. First of all, Kevin’s big brother Buzz embarrasses him at the Christmas concert and then Kevin retaliates. Buzz gets off scot free with a blatantly insincere apology while Kevin is once again banished upstairs. Once more, the irresponsible clan oversleep leading to a rushed dash to the airport while Kevin is trying to change batteries in his recorder, the family all bomb off leaving him behind. Kate tells the stewardess she refuses to board without seeing Kevin get on the plane, of course some tame reassurance from the stewardess is all it takes for Kate to hop on board without a second thought to Kevin. Worse than before, the family only realise Kevin is missing at the baggage claim. This time, Kate is the last to realise but what’s worse is that every family member before is completely nonplussed by Kevin’s second disappearance – even his father. Once more, the McCallisters seek the authorities for help before making a shockingly insensitive joke about losing their son twice but never their luggage. Fucking freaks! I mean honestly! The family is staying in Florida when Kate gets the call that Kevin has been located in New York, now you expect the family to hug eachother and break in to sobs as they realise their loved one is safe and alive but do they? Do they buggery! Instead, all those heartless scumbags can think about is a free trip to the Big Apple! Once more, Kate is the only one genuinely trying to find Kevin, which shouldn’t distract from her shocking negligence. When they’re reunited, Kevin apologises to his mother… for some reason. The next morning, on Christmas day, Duncan’s Toy Chest has donated presents to the entire family because of Kevin’s heroics. Of course, this greedy, selfish bunch can’t wait to tuck in, allowing Kevin to slip off undetected…on Christmas morning…one day after being found following a lengthy disappearance…for the second time. So Kevin goes off to talk to the pigeon lady and what does he hear? His concerned dad making sure Kevin never leaves his sight again? No. An angry Peter McAllister who is far more bothered by the fact he has a pricey hotel room service bill to pay rather than his lax parenting abilities, traumatised son and awful demon spawn children. Maybe, had this incompetent twat bothered to pay attention to 10-year-old Kevin, he wouldn’t have a $900 bill. I honestly wish Kevin had unleashed his deadly pranks on his atrocious family members rather than the Wet/Sticky bandits. Arseholes.

Head Strong: Why Mentality is The Key to Leicester City’s season

On the brink of football’s busiest time of the season, Leicester City stand on the cusp of the top two with an impressive 38 points from 19 games played, promotion form, as the pundits like to call it. However, The Foxes fans’ morale has sunken following two defeats last week to lowly Sheffield Wednesday and Brighton & Hove Albion. Ahead, of a huge week for Leicester City in which they face both of the top two as well as Premier League giants, Manchester City, this new form and indeed attitude seems like a less than desirable way to tackle it.

Crucial... The high-flying Foxes face Burnely, Man City and QPR next week.

Crucial… The high-flying Foxes face Burnely, Man City and QPR next week.

From an outside perspective, a fan seeming discontented in third place following two defeats, which haven’t proven very costly would seem absolutely laughable. And I’d tend to agree with those who take that view. The Foxes despite deserving to lose at both Hillsborough and the AMEX Stadium have put in plenty of positives prior to last week to get them in to the lofty position that they’re in. Many fans are worried that this is the start of yet another downturn in form, like the one that scuppered any chance of automatic promotion last season.  Many believe that City’s young squad lacked the mental strength to overcome adversity last season but Nigel Pearson’s squad seem suited for recovery following last season’s cruel ending at Vicarage Road.

Emulation… Leicester’s record mirrors champions, Cardiff’s.

There’s no surprise that City fans fear the worst, after last week given 2013’s downward spiral and the club’s reputation of ‘bottling’ good positions and being a ‘nearly club’. But one thing Leicester fans mustn’t forget to apply when assessing the club’s position is perspective. Leicester remain just one point of the top spot, four ahead of fourth place Derby and seven points clear of the play-off’s chasing pack. The Foxes are 5 points better off than at this stage last season and 9 better off than the 2011–12 campaign. As a matter of fact, last season’s champions, Cardiff City held the exact same record of 12–2–5 at this stage last season as the Foxes do now. As well as this, the mental strength of the squad seems to have improved with the Foxes already managing to salvage 10 points from losing positions this season. The side even managed a 3-0 thumping of Watford, at the very ground where their promotion hopes were callously dashed in May.

Support… Lessened expectation could be City’s catalyst.

In my opinion, the fans have been excellent this season, managing to support the club through numbers and noise on the road and at home. But now we’ve hit a rough patch, expectation is once again rearing it’s ugly head. We failed in 2011–12 when we all expected City to get promoted and we failed last season too. Now, Leicester are expected to go on a calamitous downturn in form that will ultimately end our season. It’s probably safe to assume that half a fanbase expecting and translating negativity will only suit to confound our recent blip, if you can even call it that. Instead of expecting us to thrash all of our opponents or slump in to mid-table obscurity, let’s support the team through adversity. We all know well enough how crazy this league and indeed supporting Leicester City is and I think we can all see that our club doesn’t thrive under pressure – let’s do our bit and hope the players and manager respond. Keep the faith and all that.

P.S. Enjoy this fanmade tribute to Anthony Knockaert and that penalty save –